It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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