i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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