I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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