Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
