wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
