I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
