I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
