Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My vagina is officially offended.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
