chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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