We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
