The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
