I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
