I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
