Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
