guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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