im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
