That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
