all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just invented taco cereal.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
