Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You are a genius and a whore.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
