Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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