i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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