I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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