I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
