this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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