Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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