Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
