you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Randomize
