Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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