I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
