THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Everyone says I win the strip club
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
