I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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