Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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