Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you would pick up someone in the library
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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