Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
