I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
is it fun? or sober?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
