If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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