It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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