I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
