You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
