There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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