the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
