I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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