Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
