Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
