Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
