i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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