I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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