Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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