I'm lost and stupid without you.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
