I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
