why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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