We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
